Women and Sexmatics

Womanhood | By Wadzanai Chiuriri, Poet | 31 October 2014

Humans by natural design are sexual beings. Both men and women require sexual gratification from each other. The dynamics of sexual exchange-like any other form of exchange in diverse relationships- involve expectations.  This is to say when a person gives up their sexual rights to another they expect to receive something in return. 

Most women have been socialised to value their sexuality and justifiably so. It is justified to value their sexuality (as well as men should) as it is an important part of human life that immensely affects psychological and sociological wellbeing.  Women naturally attach a profound value to sex because it is embedded in them from a tender age and by virtue of being human, sex is important to them. In his article What Do Women Really Want? Noam Shpancer says there is considerable evidence that women seek and place a premium on a sense of intimacy and emotional closeness with their sexual partners. The value women award to their sexuality in some cases however may cause them to think it is their bargaining chip in securing love and affection from a man. This dangerous assumption extends to such women thinking their sexuality is their only gateway to success. The magnitude of the danger this assumption entails is more pronounced when one appreciates what sex is for men – the sexual partners.

In the case of men, the dynamics are simpler compared to those of women. This is not to say sex is any less important to men nor is their sexuality less valuable, but men value sex and sexuality differently from women. Men perceive sexual intercourse as a source of physical pleasure. Studies have shown that men view sex to be an essential part of their lives yet do not attach the same type of value as women do. Unlike women, sex can be a physical encounter that has no emotional connotations for men. The UK Daily Mail reported in the results of a survey on men’s obsession with sex that; “Men would spend more than four hours having sex and only three and a half working during their ideal day”.  This exposes men’s desire for sex as superseding many other things. Men want sex regularly therefore they need to negotiate for it.

Here lies the conundrum! Men want sex all the time, and usually only for pleasure but realise that to get it they need to offer something in return to women. Most men will seem to be what a woman desires in order to convince her to indulge in a few minutes of pleasure and sometimes repeatedly. Sadly many unsuspecting women fall into this trap because they are much too focused on their own agenda - to make him fall in love. When she reads the signs delivered in his calculated pretences a woman assumes victory and jumps right into bed or the back of the car to give it up to him. As sure as the sun rises from the east, when a man is done with a woman the pretence becomes unnecessary and the new signs will be as clear as an Afrikan’s summer day- he is no longer interested. I personally think women need to sigh about themselves too and change their game plan. And some truly have- which comes the ones who now settle for material gain in exchange for sex.

The materialistic sister for me is the greatest tragedy. She has learnt to be her most priced possession. Bear in mind men still want a constant supply of sex and will be willing to give her what she needs for the little while they need her. Sadly when the sun rises on the situation, she realises that her heart had not been a part of her little plan all along. Leading her right back to where we started...but now I wonder is he truly the problem? Women need to get their end of sexmatics figured out correctly. Men desire to be settled with one woman at some point in their lives and it is usually the one who does not give in easily. It sounds archaic, but it’s time women start taking care of their own needs and desires without settling. It’s time she sighs about herself and makes effective changes in her behaviour and secures what she truly needs before she gives him what he wants.